How do you love?

I've reached a point in my life where I reflect back often, on the years of my life up until now, and alot about the future (before I get so depressed about it, I make myself stop). I have always felt I've loved hard. I've often been told I am 'too nice' to people. I have been walked on, taken advantage of, and my heart bruised too many times to count. Do I still love hard? Yep. Do I change how I act toward those that I love that have hurt me? No. And my love never changes either. Despite the circumstance, despite the years, it is unwavering. It would seem that would be a good thing, a good quality, a human quality and one every person on this earth could use. But where has it gotten me? It never stops hurting me. It hurts more to see all the people that can't or won't do this, whether it be in return or to others in this world. It is disappointing to look around and feel you don't belong here, that you think too much and too deep for the world you live in and the people that live in your own. I think I think too much. I think I take everything more serious than it should be. I know more people that act like life is just a comical temporary existence and don't look for the deeper meaning in anything. I've never been that way, ever since I was a child. I've also been told I am 'too serious'. But I guess that goes along with everything I just stated I am and why.

The only good thing that has come of being who I am, feeling how I feel, and loving like I do is that I feel like I'm a good person for it. As cliche as that sounds. I might say some bad words on occasion, I might lose my patience, I might yell a lot when I've lost my patience and no one seems to hear me! I might not go to church and even believe in 'religion'. But I believe there is a God. I might have my own mind and do what I know is best despite what someone tells me it is. I might love without bounds and fall hard and do it again. But, at the end of the day I still feel like a good person, because of what's at the core. And I think your core, is what makes everything. If the core of you is no good, what does it matter how you 'appear' to other people? What is it all even for?

That verse in the bible about love has always stuck with me, and been one of my favorite things to read. If you take it apart word for word and really look at the meaning of it, how many people do you know that love this way? And how simple things could be if we all could. The only person I have ever felt loved this way, are my children. I think all people start out this way, and somewhere along the lines of growing up, relearn it all while getting screwed up through different experiences and become selfish. It must be a rare and lucky few of us, that can forgive, see the reality in situations, and keep loving despite them. Maybe if I could live where others loved this way, I would feel it too.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."