Wisdom

So, now that I have 4 children I seem to get a lot more interesting comments from people in public. Well, this also begun to happen when I was visibly pg with #4. It's quite interesting the things I hear from people, most positive I guess you could say. Such as the last visit to Emma's eye Dr. where one of the ladies that worked there came over to me, after us having been there awhile asking if they were all mine (dontcha love that one?), after saying yes, she proceeded to tell me I did not look old enough to have them. My reply was 'I certainly am', she then asked my age, and after hearing it, told me I looked 22. BLESS HER! And hey, this was in person! And working in an Eye Dr.'s office I'm assuming her eyes worked at their optimum lol.. or did they? Anyhow I thanked her, being at the point in my life now where I get a little bit knocked down every time the cashier scans my alcoholic beverage purchase without asking me to show ID.

So as we were leaving another woman there tells me I deserve a medal hahaha. I laughed it off, but was a little proud of myself for keeping up with them all.. and somehow keeping my sanity in the process of succeeding at keeping them entertained, and contained, and not breaking a single pair of glasses the entire 2 or so hours we waited. They were pretty good. ;)

Onto my next story which is why I started typing this to begin with. I'm in Walmart, in the cooking utensils section, searching for a particular utensil to make a new recipe. The only other person being down there was an older gentleman also looking for something and also looking quite lost amidst it all. He turned around to look at us and started to walk off down the aisle (I assume giving up in his search) and turned around and came back. He then proceeded to ask me 'are they all yours? or do you have a class?'. There again, I laughed and said yes, they are mine. He was a sweet old man, in his early 70's probably if I had to guess. Very much with it, witty and bright eyed. He looked around at them all and told me I had a 'real good start', and that they were all 'lookers' too hehe. He then proceeded to tell me about his father and then comes the wisdom. I say wisdom, because I really do love to hear from older people. Most often, I come across sweet old people with something meaningful to share. Most of them are drawn to my cute kids, which brings something out in them and will strike a conversation. I love that they have lived so much longer than I, have experience to share and the willingness to still do so. I love the ones that even after all of that, are not bitter and angry (there are plenty of them too). I love that they tell me to appreciate every second with my children because of some rough time in their lives that taught them to do so (I've heard these stories also), and besides the well meaning ones who need to say something either quite obviously outdated or irrelevant to me, like how I need to believe in Jesus or keep my babies feet covered in the dead of summer.. I am all ears from what I can learn from my elders.

This man's wisdom I agreed with. He told me that his father grew up in a house with 5 sisters and a Mother (not quite sure if there was a Dad there, but it didn't sound that way). He said he was SPOILED to no end. He did nothing for himself because they did it all for him, being the only boy and that he grew into a man that could not take care of himself nor his family apparently. He wasn't given the tools to know how to care for himself, let alone someone else. He cautioned me to not spoil my son (Jude, not having seen or paid attention to that Rye was a boy I guess), amid 3 girls (Emma, Elsha and I). He told me, 'make him take out the trash, make him cut the grass!(little does he know Chris is waiting impatiently to pass that job down to Jude lol) 'Raise him into a man that will one day know how to care for a nice lady.' Wow, that man spoke the truth and I have always felt the same way. It's just refreshing to hear it from a man, and a man that age that you would think still held old fashioned beliefs about roles. I told him YES, I most certainly agree and pointed out I also will do the same for his brother. 'No Momma's boys here!', 'Good girl!', he replied. ;)

Let that be a lesson to all of you with sons to raise. I am doing my very best to raise self sufficient men. No reason they can't cook, learn laundry, help look after their younger siblings (in Jude's case), clean up after themselves, know (and use!) manners, treat their Mother with the utmost respect, sisters too. Too many men have I met that fall under this 'Momma's boy' category. Not only do they not know how to treat a woman, they expect a woman to MOTHER them! (this seems to be a universal trait in men) I thought that job was accomplished once? Perhaps in these men it wasn't, and so the duty is passed down to their wives and partners. I don't agree with it, but I realize this is the way that is a lot of times. Men NEED, and women GIVE. I don't think that will ever change, but I think to what degree those things occur can be controlled. I'll do my best, as I'm sure most Moms do. Whether we succeed or fail being evident in time.

Funny, the thoughts a Walmart trip can provoke eh?

A life free of cell phone

Hurray, I am free! I have never been without a cell phone since geez, I can't remember. But I finally cancelled T-Mobile. Did I mention in my last post that I LOATHE Tmobile?????????? I do, I LOATHE them. I can't even get into the problems I've had with them, they are numerous. I cancelled them today and will hopefully be getting a new phone with a new carrier next wknd.

Just weird to have no phone. It's like another appendage and without it, I feel a strange sense of freedom. Perhaps a bit uneasy and a bit new in feeling. But eh, I'll enjoy hiding from the world.
That is always fun. ;)

I daydream of living a life of simplicty. Of living close to no one. Growing our own food, having a farm and just living off the land. Having only what is necessity and enjoying LIFE for what it is.

This is not a daydream because I honestly do miss my cell phone lol. I don't talk on it much but I am a texting fiend okay I admit. "Hello, I'm Kristina and I'm addicted to texting", I certainly am.

But one day I'm gonna live on a farm, with a wicked cool cell phone with great text messaging capabilities. Teehee.

All things good (and yummy)

Mmmm, bread. One of my new favorite things, though I'm sure it doesn't agree with my whole weightloss goal, haha. I never used to like bread until I started making it. I should say, it didn't like me.. not that it does now..well I mean I can't seem to NOT eat it, BUT, everything in moderation as they say. That's my motto anyhow. ;)

And these are my food critics (Emma doesn't really get a choice, she has to eat what I make and well Rye doesn't yet get to indulge). The cookies passed with flying colors, as did the bread, at least for Jude. Elsha is and has always been anti-bread (like her Momma I guess but for different reasons). The smiles and 'thank yous' make a Momma feel good, and all worth it even if I hated doing it (but too late, I love it). =)

Updating

for the sake of updating. I don't think anyone cares and in fact, I don't know that anyone even reads this which is the reason I stopped blogging on it 2 years ago. I guess I accomplish the same thing when I talk to myself around the house huh? Don't worry, I'll answer that, "yes, pretty much".

"How am I doing lately?" Me? Oh, I'm fine, wait I'm not fine. I'm tired, I'm angry.. well I was angry today (T mobile is a JOKE)and being that frustrated and angry, made me shake with anger and frustration, then crash from exhaustion. They ruined my day yup, but in the end it worked out.. as best it can, still not perfect. (I hate T mobile)...

I tend to ramble
But I'm uhh.. fine, yes."

We're broke, times are stressful. Emma is back in school so we are back to a schedule.. and even on days we aren't, we still have to be. Afternoons go by fast and evenings are very long. I'm tired. I want to have money again. I want to not worry about money. I want to just be happy and enjoy my children and life, and not have the worry of money ruining my life. It feels like and I'm almost convinced we have it worse than anyone else I know, or know of. I would like a break from all the crap that is constantly bombarding our life. I am sick and tired of it, and I want a break. WE deserve a break. We are not selfish people. We do not seek riches. We do not seek luxury. All we want is to pay our bills, keep food in the house, keep our house in one piece and our animals fed. Why is that so much to ask. We don't go spending large amounts of money. Buying things we don't NEED. But this is no way to live, it's just not.

In an attempt to lift my mood and try to find ways to save us money, I have started to cook and bake. I've started baking bread so we can stop buying it. I've been making the kids cookies (I have bred small cookie monsters if you didn't know), started to use my slow cooker for recipes for dinners, and freeze the excess. I am starting slow, but hope to just pick up experience and speed. Everyone here loves the bread, they love the cookies.. the dinners are questionable but that is because A. they contain veggies or B. they contain beans.. 3 out of the 5 people here eating solid foods (okay REAL solid foods) having an issue with that. But, they will eventually suck it up because buying prepared food is just not affordable for us anymore. Not with a few kids that are just eating more as they all get bigger. Heck even this sizeable (so he was referred to at birth) 7 month old of mine is eating through the baby food at an impressive speed. I also plan to start making baby food as soon as I can get a handle on all this other preparing of food.

It's been very good for me mentally though and I feel a bit less stressed and happier doing these things. I'm really getting into it! I did it a lot when I was just a teen so it's been quite a few years. I always enjoyed it but lost the time for it. I'm now finding the time and it's been quite rewarding. I may post some recipes here I find yummy when I get around to doing that. We'll have to see.

Enough of this though, no one is reading remember? "oh yeah, that's right, I remember."

MOM!

"Please put Mr. Potato Head's butt back on!!"

This is why I love having children. Just when you think your life is kinda mundane (though it certainly never is), and in such a routine that you could do it with your eyes closed, hands tied behind your back and even in your sleep.. it's these comments from your children that make you realize how good you've really got it, and why your life is better than anyone else's you know (eventhough they have their own cute mutterings going on, you're sure they aren't as cute.)

I am also told that I am 'deautiful' and that I 'snell good' almost on a daily basis. You haven't been melted like that with those words (or the other translation) until you hear them from your child. No man possesses the power to soften your heart the way your child can, trust me.


I will cherish nothing as much as being a mother. =)

U li he li s d tsa de ti ya

Me and Jeni go together like peas and carrots.



That was especially for you. ;) Happy Birthday to one of my most bestest friends on earf. **SMILE** it's a wonderful day.


!!!!!!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!

Space to think

I've never really liked it because I start thinking of things that bother me, which in turn creates that deep ache inside, somewhere between your chest and your stomach. Each time I think, it hurts. I wondered the other day as I was thinking about someone I know that is traveling down a road of loss , how grief actually causes physical pain and how interesting that is. I remember my grief well, I remember how it felt, how it ached, how it burned at the slightest thought that made it return.

But this post isn't about grief. I've had my share of that. It's about a loss of sorts I guess without sounding too dramatic. My heart doesn't know the difference between the two.. just that it misses.. and the missing hurts, the absence hurts, the space hurts. Sometimes things about life just suck huh.

Happy 14th!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A very happy birthday wish goes out to BRAD!!!!!! You are getting to be a 'real' teenager now! hehe. Keep being the wonderful boy that you are. =)

-Hugs from Auntie Kristina

Happy Happy

Fourth of July to all of you! We are just hanging around the house today. Chris got some fire crackers for the kids and him to play with, and they did that a good part of the morning. I did my first one ever in life too! lol. The things you throw down that pop? Yeah I did two of those hehe. That's right, I'm 31 years old and this is my first time ever holding a fire cracker. I felt like a kid again. The kids also had fun experiencing them for the first time too! It's getting ready to storm in lovely Florida and ruin all of our fun, but sitting inside on the 4th with a Long Island iced tea ain't that bad. ;)

May you all have a very fun and SAFE holiday weekend!

5 years ago today

I met Chris for the first time in person. We met on a dating site of all places! Neither of us were really on there for anything but for fun. Oh a whim one day I decided to message him because his profile made me crack up. He didn't sound at all like your average guy, wasn't doing the whole romantic line, wasn't trying to make himself sound like something he was not. In fact, knowing him now I'd say he was just being himself- it was a totally corny and dorky profile. ;) Despite the fact he was located in Kansas I felt I had to message him anyway and thought who knows.. Kansas really isn't that far is it? I've never been good at geography. We talked over a period of about 3 years online, off and on, before him deciding to drive down one 4th of July weekend and meet me. We connected the moment we hugged each other and have been together ever since.

We have been through many a tough times, and I'm sure many more lay ahead for us. We have made ourselves quite the family and have both changed a lot- him more so than me. What was the free spirited party type guy that drove down here, has turned into the funny faces, funny noises, sippy cup filling, teeth brushing, putting kids to bed, children loving, falling asleep on the recliner at 9 at night- Dad that he is today.

We don't always get a long that's for sure. We disagree on most things actually lol. But the real arguments have been few and far between- which is not the norm in my relationships! We can agree to disagree. We can argue and get over it. We can be mad and then start laughing at each other and realize it's not gonna change the foundation that makes us, us. We seem to have a real balance going, despite the imbalance my life seems to have most days. If it weren't for him, things around here would be left unfixed, the kids toys, not assembled, all the little things I hate doing or won't even try to do, that is where his strength lies and thank God! I keep the house running in many different ways. I am a strong woman. I have been through more than most of you are aware of, or will go through and at such a young age, in such a short span of time. I've gained worlds of life experience in the blink of an eye. I know I can get through anything because of this. But sometimes, I misjudge my strength. Often times, most times.. I push him away because I feel like I don't need anyone at all for anything.. going back to the tough stuff I've been through. But there again, I worry.. and my worrying makes me realize how weak I really am.

The other day Chris left to the store and I thought he was making one stop and coming right back. I was busy and caught up not realizing the time. When I did I felt like it had been too long since he left. I looked at the counter where I remember seeing his phone and it was still there. It's not often he's left his phone on mistake. I then started to get really worried (I worry a lot remember?). All kinds of stuff started going through my head (nothing positive). I've lost a lot of people in my life so my head naturally zeros in on morbidity. I started thinking of all the things that would change if he never came home. What would I tell the kids, they love their Daddy more than anything in their world (well besides Momma hehe). What would I do without him and all his faults, and his quirks and his sloppiness and the way he can't ever put anything back where he got it from. The way he manages to fill not only the sink but the counter tops with crumbs when he makes toast for Jude in the mornings. The way he can't seem to shut his sock drawer or put his laundry away for 2 weeks. The way the mail organizer is overflowing because he's too lazy to go through it on a regular basis. The way his tools and crap is never organized enough for me to find a single working screwdriver. The way his clothes stink of cars no matter how many times I wash them. What would I do without that all? And suddenly it dawned on me how much I would miss all those things that bother me. Strange to think about huh?

It also dawned on me how much this man tells me he loves me ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the time. How I can't count the number of times in a day EVERY day that he tells me I am beautiful, hot (this is one I don't like to hear but he won't stop saying), cute, wonderful, and many other compliments about other things. I have never had a relationship where I heard this kind of stuff on such a regular basis. The average woman would probably eat it up, but I am not your average woman. I don't like compliments, especially when I don't feel like I am any of those things, and liking myself most days is a struggle. It is a good feeling to know someone else thinks you are the moment you wake up, when your hair is sticking up all over the place and your teeth aren't brushed yet. It is a good feeling to know he could never find another woman to be a better mother to our children (okay so I DO know that one;)). All too often I take these things for granted, because they are always there. I need to stop doing that, because one day they won't be.

Happy Anniversary to us. This is the longest relationship we've ever both been in. But 3 kids, our first home and many moments later, it certainly hasn't been boring. I'm not sure what surprises lay ahead, but I hope the years will only lend to our strength.

4 years ago today

I had my first boy. I was above the clouds at the thought of having a son. It was the most exciting time preparing for his arrival, buying BOY clothes, swimming in BOY colors, going to have a tiny life in my arms again after 6 years. Jude's birth was not ideal, thanks to a moronic doctor. It was the only birth out of the 4 with negative emotions attached to it- which I hate but it's true. Because of this, it was an extrememly long, painful, and exhausting labor. I wasn't allowed to labor like I wanted to, felt I needed to and just had people around me (Dr's, nurses, etc)
that were not uplifting to a laboring woman. I still remember it like it was not so much in the distant past. I still remember how I felt like I had been run over by a semi truck after he was born. I still remember feeling like I never, ever wanted to go through that again- ever! And SO glad it was OVER, the contractions wouldn't come back! I did not bounce back after that pregnancy very easily. Jude made it all worth it. He was more than I could have imagined.. cuter than I ever pictured he would be, and has just gotten cuter by the day ever since, for 4 years.

I have a hard time looking at that 4.. it stings a bit and brings about all kinds of emotions for me but most of all excitement (some fear) for what's ahead. The 3's were trying! That is an understatment. The start of the 4's, also challenging, but I think we are on the way out of a harder time, into more fun and interesting times ahead.

Jude is a remarkable child. He struggles with his words still, but he has come so far. He is the most sensitive, affectionate, and compassionate little boy. He is a better big brother than I dreamed he would be. Everything is about his baby brother and he is no less excited about him being here now, than he was the day I brought him home. I could go on about him all day if ya let me, so I'll save that for his website I guess.

It's a happy day for me intertwined with a bit of sadness, as always. I'm sure some cake later today will make that all better lol.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will always love you like no one else can.