something like that anyway, since I started the St. Johns wort. today, im down. i've had my ups and downs like always but many more ups than i'd seen for awhile. some days i just don't want to hold it altogether anymore, or at least not try so hard, like today. today started off really pretty good, i was going in circles trying to get things done and was making progress to a point (progress is one thing on my happy list) but i quickly became a bit saturated with negative feelings, enough so that i couldn't push them away any longer and they ate at me til i wanted to cry. but i didn't. my eyes started to well and i told myself that i was stupid for all those stupid thoughts making me feel this way. i then began to clean in a frenzy and quickly wore myself out, thereby making everything feel better, my mental state included. not bad! it's usually much worse than that and affects me much more deeply. but i think im OK now.
maybe these new ditches will be a little more shallow when i fall into them. one can hope.
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