we are in the process of speaking to someone who could *possibly* negotiate with our mrtg company about another loan modification to get our payment to an affordable amount. a friend gave me his # and i am trying to be hopeful of the possibility. it seems too good to be true for us, this being the main source of ALL of our financial problems. being that there are currently SO many things out there for people just like us in trouble with their homes, many more things than were available back when we started having trouble. if this doesn't pan out, we will just have to keep trying other avenues.

my mother in law also came and sat down with us and set out a new budget plan for chris and i, to get caught on most of what has fallen behind because of this house, and a better way to plan and spend. i am hopeful with this too. for awhile, there will be no (or very little!) frivolous spending. we will be cutting back anything we can without losing too much fun in our lives ;) until we can get back to a point where we can bring those things back in. it will happen, one day. why do i know this? because it just has to. we've been down too long. we have been trying hard and one day it will pay off.. and we will be better for having gone through it! you never know what you have until you lose it! sacrifice is essential to being human, and over the years i have grown to live through sacrificing, mostly for my kids. =) i wouldn't have it any other way.

keep us in your thoughts and in your prayers if you do that kind of thing. we could use all the good ones we can gather. we would be in a much much MUCH better place, if they can make this happen for us. we were fine before we bought the house, and long for the rent we used to have, although high would be a dream now!! we have regrets sometimes, but you do what you think is best at the time, and often times.. there is no other better option, as was the case almost 3 years ago now!

i am thankful we still have a home, despite the fact that it will never be ideal. it keeps a roof over all of our heads! and for that, we are fortunate.


=)

looong time

no update.

guess cause in good ways, i've been busy and content.. and pretty happy, and busy. oh i said that, i'll say it again, i've been busy. i was starting to believe good things come around eventually for all of us, but i've had it all torn down again, like it always is. life is a SICK JOKE. and i might not hate it right now, but i don't like it, at all. i'm getting real tired of hearing people complain about the stupidest and most trivial of things, that if they were in my shoes, would have either jumped off a bridge or been admitted into a mental hospital. i've done neither of these things, tho i won't lie and say they've not crossed my mind on more than one occasion.

the st johns wort i've been on for a couple of months now, has helped tremondously and without it i fear what my life would be. i don't have any plans of stopping it any time soon, if anything, increasing my doseage. i don't have insurance as we all know, so real meds are out. i'm just SO TIRED. emotionally, i'm gone.. tapped out. mentally? that happened first. physically i'm getting by with lots and lots and lots of caffiene. i have no real energy, whatsoever. i think any energy i used to have has been spread so thin in the two above mentioned areas, that i'm spent. done deal.

i want us to be able to stop worrying for 5 minutes and be happy as a family where we are, but something is preventing it at every turn. nothing ever works out. we STILL cannot catch a stupid break, anywhere, in any part of our lives. WHY?!!!!!!!!?????????????????? why does everyone else's life i know suck so much less? i dont know what i've done. i've been more than generous. i put out as much good energy and thoughts as comes naturally (which is more than you'd think someone as jaded as me would be able to muster). but.. it doesn't come back. what comes back is more bad news, more crap. more money issues, more house issues, burying us deeper in this hole that's been swallowing us for almost 2 years now.

i'm waiting for other people to take this burden off of me and feel the evil life can pour down on you. i'm tired of taking it all and i don't want any part of it any more. someone hasn't gotten the message. maybe i've made it clear this time.

back to cleaning through a stress induced migraine. at least i'll never run out of cleaning to bring me some sick level of happiness.

**OH, and my youngest boy is officially walking... he still crawls too thank goodness hehe. it's the most adorable thing ever. course it makes me sad he's growing up right along with the others but it's still exciting. and i'll take anything positive at this point!**

if i think of anything else good to post i guess i will, or won't as the case may be.